Australian troops surprised John Howard hasn't visited them in Iraq
In the wake of surprise visits to Iraq made by other world leaders, Australian soldiers are beginning to feel a little left out that Prime Minister John Howard hasn't made a surprise visit of his own yet.
"To be honest," says Lieutenant Graeme Hitchcock, "We weren't expecting him at all. Even when George Bush visited Baghdad, we didn't think anything of it. But then the Spanish prime minister surprised his troops and the Polish president surprised his troops -- let's just say we're a little jealous of them."
Other soldiers haven't lost hope yet. Says Private Angus Hogan, "I reckon he's waiting for the right moment, although I'm ready for whenever he makes his visit. Each time they tell us there's a special guest in the mess hall, I give them my `Oh, who could it be?' routine and start to practice my surprised look so I'll be ready when the prime minister walks in rearing to serve us some ostrich steak fresh off the barbie. Sadly, it's always been just a general from some other division. One day he'll come. I know it."
John Howard has yet to surprise his troops in Iraq
News Networks Concerned Over Orange Alert
Year in Review segments already completed for most
As the nation went to orange alert this week over the possibility of holiday terror attacks, many news networks are growing increasingly worried.
Greg Janowski, programming director at CNN, says, "The last thing we want now is a big news story. Most of our staff is off for the holidays and I was working overtime last week to wrap up production on our `2003: Looking Back' special. Hopefully this next week will be quiet."
Janowski isn't the only one. Says Henrietta Donalds, a reporter for MSNBC, "I spent most of November trying to secure an interview with J-Lo so she can talk about her breakup with Ben. Now that I'm all done, I'd hate to see my segment cut to make way for the dirty bomb in DC story."
Not all worries of wrought of inconvenience, however. Some networks are simply concerned about logistics. Paul Sheridan of Fox News says, "Let's assume, hypothetically of course, a suicide bomber attacks the crowd in Times Square as the ball drops. Would the attack count as a new story for 2003 or 2004? Theses are the sort of problems I face everyday as a news journalist."
Saddam Hussein Hires Johnny Cochran
In a move that stunned most political and legal analysts, deposed dictator Saddam Hussein hired famed attorney Johnny Cochran to lead Hussein's legal defense team.
Cochran wasted no time getting down to business Tuesday. "Where was his legal counsel when the interrogations began?" Cochran asked a crowd of reporters. "My client was not read his Miranda rights. He wasn't even aware of his right to remain silent. You're dealing with a man who lived in a police state for the past 30 years. Of course he was frightened and willing to talk -- in his country, the police would've killed him by now."
Although he faces a seemingly uphill battle, Cochran is not short of ideas. First on his agenda is to move the trial to neighboring Syria. Says Cochran, "There's too much attention in Iraq. He'll never get a fair trial."
He also hopes to get the former president released on bail, adding, "My client has been a fixture of the Iraqi community for the past three decades. He knows no place but Iraq. Where else could he go?"
When asked about his defense strategy, Cochran refused to divulge many details but hinted that the war was"racist."
Saddam Hussein, left, is hoping Johnny Cochran, far right (shown here with OJ Simpson), can work his magic one more time
President Bush Pays Surprise Visit to Astronauts Onboard International Space Station
Becomes first world leader to visit space
The two astronauts onboard the international space station were in for quite a shock this morning as President George W Bush arrived unannounced.
Michael Humbert, an engineer at the Johnson Space Center in Houston who usually provides the astronauts with their daily wake up call, decided to ham up today's call. "Good morning, this is Houston Mission Control," transcripts of this morning's transmission report, "I have a special message for both of you today concerning the future of the space project. But before I go on, is there anyone more senior who would like to take over?"
Right on cue, President Bush, who was flanked by two secret service guards, emerged from the cargo bay to the whoops and hollers of the two astronauts.
Bush took the opportunity to restate his support for a new manned mission to the moon. After he served a helping of dehydrated ice cream to the pair of astronauts, Bush got back onboard the space shuttle Endeavour for the return trip home.
It is estimated the president spent 40 hours traveling to and from the space station for the 45 minute visit. The historic flight was done in secrecy, launching from the Kennedy Space Center during the dead of night. Only a handful of reporters were taken onboard the shuttle and were not permitted to report on the story until the craft had re-entered the atmosphere.
It has been reported Bush piloted the Endeavour into the docking bay.
While Republicans applauded the president's show of support for the space program, Democrats have been quick to dismiss this as another photo opportunity.
"It's a f---ing waste of our taxpayer money," sighed Senator John Kerry (D-MA).
President Bush returns to Cape Canaveral after visiting the international space station
NEW YORK INVADES CONNECTICUT
GOV PATAKI TO CONSTITUTION STATE: "TASTE OUR STEEL"
The New York National Guard moved into Connecticut early this morning in what appeared to be an apparent invasion of the state.
Although light fire was exchanged outside of the towns of Greenwich and Stamford, the heaviest fighting occurred in the capital city of Hartford. At approximately 4am local time, the city of Hartford fell to New York forces. NY Governor George Pataki appeared on Hartford's WHCT-TV around 4:15am local time with this message to the people of Connecticut, "We are the Empire State. Taste our steel."
Most of the state is currently under martial law.
Connecticut Governor John Rowland has not been seen since the invasion, although an audiotape attributed to the deposed leader was received at the offices of the local CNN affiliate. The voice on the tape urged the people of Connecticut to "fight the good fight against this unwarranted aggression."
NY National Guard tanks patrol the capital city of Hartford
WASHINGTON IN TURMOIL
An emergency session was called to order for both houses of Congress. In a dramatic turn of events, NY Senator Chuck Schumer was sucker punched by CT Senator Joe Lieberman as Schumer entered the Senate chambers. A melee broke out on the floor and it took Capitol police over forty minutes to regain control.
In the House of Representatives, an overwhelming majority voted to place sanctions on New York, with only the representatives from New York voting against sanctions. The representatives from Indiana abstained.
Tensions flared when Rep Christopher Shays (R-CT) angrily accused Rep Peter Visclosky (D-IN) of "shady dealings" with New York. It has long been rumored, but never substantiated, that Indiana has been selling arms to the New Yorkers.
President Bush has been unavailable for comment. He was on his way to a surprise visit in Kabul when news of the invasion broke. Air Force One was turned around midflight and he is one his way back home.
Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld offered the use of the US military should Connecticut need liberating, although Secretary of State Colin Powell warned the US "shouldn't get involved in an apparent family fight."
Sen John Kerry (D-MA) sheds a tear for the violence of the day
AMERICA RESPONDS
The response across America has been mixed to the news of New York's invasion. Understandably, opinions were most strong on the East Coast.
In Connecticut, most people interviewed were angered by the attack. Glen Pomper, 42, of Greenwich CT complained, "I work in Manhattan and the last thing I want to do is live there. That's why I bought my house here. Now my property taxes are going to go up."
Arlo Henderson, 56, of Woodstock NY threatened to move to Canada because he feels "ashamed of my state."
Meanwhile, when Vinnie Tagliari, 22, of Brooklyn NY was asked about his reaction to the invasion, he shouted "New York, New York, number one, baby!"
Gretta Mendosa, 78, of nearby Bayonne NJ had this to say, "You know, back when New York and New Jersey were arguing over who owned the Statue of Liberty, I told people `You better watch those New Yorkers. They're up to no good.' Did anyone listen to me? Nope, I'm just a silly old lady. I'm not surprised they did this to Connecticut. I'm just surprised they didn't do it to us yet."
A spontaneous antiwar protest erupted in San Francisco to protest New York's "imperialist and racist war"
